Respect the Martians

OK. So. If you read my blog you know that I always give advice to my brothers and my sisters about how to make one another happy. Well this post I feel is long overdue...women are from another planet. Yes, we are. We speak a different language than men. And I can hear every man who reads my blog rejoicing in reading that sentence. It's true. We're living, breathing creatures of contradiction, overreacting and subliminal messages...we can be hard to understand. We say what we mean and mean what we say while simultaneously saying nothing that we mean and meaning absolutely nothing of what we said. We're complex. So it's about time that a woman puts together a nice little dictionary of common phrases, body language, etc... and what they mean...

The Woman Phrase/Body Language Dictionary: Top 15 (let's face it this could go on forever)

1.) "We need to talk": You've done something wrong...and I've probably been holding it in for a while but now I'm at a point where I just have to tell you how I feel...I'll probably cry or get really angry but try to stay calm...and don't look it as a judgement of you as a person.

2.) "Some guy tried to take me on a date": this is your cue to act kinda jealous...to show her that the thought of her with another guy rubs you the wrong way...it makes any woman feel protected, desired and warm and tingly.

3.) "I don't care...you can go": DON'T GO!! C'mon son. You already know by the tone of her voice that she's not trying to have you leave the house and go partying. So why go? Make her upset? And have to spend the next few days in the doghouse? Call your boys...maybe next time.

4.) "You're not communicating with me": I dont feel like I matter. Plain and simple. Especially with the amount of social networking sites...she must feel more important than your Twitter followers...or your facebook stalkers...etc...she wants you to talk to her...tell her a story...a joke...something...anything. Let her know that she holds a special place in your life.

5.) "Something's changed": You're not showing me the attention you used to. It just means that whatever you used to do...you're not doing it anymore and it's making her feel less important to you.

6.) "I don't mind if you have female friends": a lie. A blatant lie. She's simply leaving it open so you don't feel pressured or smothered...but the truth of the matter is that she doesn't see why you need other women around to hang out now that you have her. It's gonna make her uncomfortable especially if this woman knows more about you than she does.

7.) "It's up to you...I dont care": this is usually an answer to a question like "where do you want to go" or "what kind of gift would you like".."what movie do you want to see"..."where do you want to eat"...this is your chance to either sink or swim. How well do you know her? Will you pick the perfect place? The perfect gift? Will you even put thought into it? In the back of her mind she knows exactly what kind of place she'd like to go to, what kind of gifts she likes and what movie she wants to see....but by this point you should know enough about her to make her happy.

8.) "Do you think ___ is attractive": My brotha, my brotha...be careful with this answer. Most women are confident enough in themselves where the thought of the man they care about thinking some other woman is attractive is just fine. We're all humans. But there are some women who just aren't. If this is someone who you both know it's better to just say "no"...if it's some dream woman i.e. Halle Berry or Eva Longoria...consider this...does your woman look like your dream woman? Are they even similar types of women? If not, imagine how she may feel about the kind of woman you feel is attractive...women are fragile when it comes to those things. (ladies, dont be mad at me for that one....#letsbehonest...we've all thunk it "my man likes Beyonce/J.Lo/Keri Hilson/Rihanna...I dont look like her...dang")

9.) "I understand": Boy please. That's what she's saying...in the back of her mind she's thinking "you make time for what you feel is important"...she doesn't understand anything but the fact that you haven't been giving her the attention that she needs.

10.) Storms in/out of a room: You've done or said something that's gonna cause you lots of problems...if you don't fix it quick.

11.) "Nothing"- usually accompanies the question "What's wrong?"...there's something wrong...it's more than likely something you've done wrong...could very well be nothing you did...but either way something IS going on...and if you just walk away and take the "nothing" as an actual answer...you're gonna be in trouble buddy.

12.) A long sigh: she wants you to ask her what's wrong...and she'll probably first reply "nothing" and for the way to deal with that see #11

13.) an ignored phone call: she did it on purpose...what did you do? Figure it out...and act accordingly.

14.) hints at upcoming gift giving holidays: get her something. make it good. end of discussion.

15.) Starts an argument: she testing the waters to see how hard you're willing to fight to keep her. Another sink or swim moment.

Well like I said these were the Top 15...it's just my thoughts. I figure with all the unhappy women I know...someone has to step in and try to make it easier for you fellas...but fellas y'all have got to try harder...take off your cool...turn off your swag...let her know she's important if she is...and if she's not...why waste her time...why waste your time?...love y'all :)

Sincerely,

@bestnewactress