Thursday, May 27, 2010

As Long As There Are Men....





So recently, I've seen lots of men sounding off on "side chicks", "jumpoffs", "Kat Stacks", "women who don't know their role", etc...and I can't help but think...but aren't men to blame? No, really. This is not to put men on blast....or to even make them look like the "i would rather judge you with my one eye than my two eyes" creatures that they are. It's merely to point out that these women would have no power if men did not bestow it upon them. The thing that gets me every time about the Supaheads and Kat Stacks of this world...is not how disgustingly gross the women are (although that is NOT to be overlooked) but the fact that men KNOW how disgustingly gross these women are...but that does not stop them from sleeping with them. And when they're called on it...it's all of a sudden "jumpoff" this..."sidechick" that...but what about the fact that you and your homeboys slept with her? Why is that not an issue? With all the great, smart, funny, beautiful, moral women in this world...women who you probably overlook on your way out of the bank...or at the food drive you went to go help out at, or the neighborhood you grew up in...you CHOSE Kat Stacks. It's crazy to me. It's truly baffling. I hear men say ( or see them tweet...you know what I mean) how they want a "real" woman...hear them say "i don't want fake boobs or a fake butt"...and in the very next sentence drool over Rosa Acosta and her plastic counterparts...so what does that tell me? Either men don't really know what they want...or they just don't care as long as it has a hole and a butt to smack. Harsh...but true. Women bear the hard grunt of all these terms "gold digger", "side chick", "hoe", "jumpoff", "jersey chaser"...but men always play into it. How can a woman be a side chick if you're faithful to your girlfriend/wife? How can a woman be a jumpoff if you and your boys respect yourselves and decide to not openly smash the same crazy/insecure/lifeless girl? How can a girl be a gold digger if she doesn't know for sure that a hair weave, fake boobs and the right dress can land her a shopping spree on Rodeo for at least one weekend? Think about it. Women can be conniving, sneaky, etc...but there is no way that a man cannot see a woman like Kat Stacks coming from a MILE away...I mean Supahead had not one, but TWO books about men who slept with her knowing exactly who she was and what she stood for...I can spot them...at the club...at basketball games...they dress, talk, walk and behave in a certain way...the truth of the matter is...men are so arrogant that they convince themselves they're special..."she's only giving it to me this good"..."i can call her anytime and she'll be with me all day...i know she ain't rolling with no other ninja"...dude wake up...

What I am trying to point out is that for every cause there is an effect...sadly the cause is more and more Black men who do not 1) respect themselves or 2) respect women (not just Black women...ALL women) and the effect is women who 1) capitalize on this fact and 2) do not respect themselves either....no one is more to blame nor is one more at fault. In some way I am sure it's an unending cycle...pinpointing when, why or how it started is the hard part. As usual I write to start dialogue...to simply bring it to the attention of my readers. I feel you dudes in your frustration with women like this...but only you dudes who DON't perpetuate the behavior through your everyday actions. If you're tricking off on the girl you met at the club who knew every other baller in VIP...I'm sorry sir...you've been played by your local jumpoff...and you can only blame yourself. If the pretty girl with all the latest fashions and a $100,000 vehicle cannot readily identify her source of income and all you can think about is her fly gear and how envious all your boys will be when you bring her around...you're being doped...plain and simple...and when she turns out to be a jumpoff...don't be shocked...take your loss like Lebron...I mean like a man. Because at the end of the day...there will always be women with low standards and a lack of self-respect and as long as there are men willing to look pass that for some good dome or barbershop bragging rights...there will always be a Kat Stacks.

Just my thoughts.

Sincerely,
@bestnewactress

Saturday, May 15, 2010

It Plays Out So Different in my Dreams




So...as I sit here thinking of the lessons I've learned about love at just 22...I can't help but feel that maybe...this idea of "love" is overrated because afterall with all the different hearts...there has to be just as many different forms of love. Yes...I know...we all want a fairytale...but the truth of the matter is we won't all get it. Some of us will be left at the alter...some of us will be lied to...many of us will be cheated on...and lots of us will feel our hearts break in our chests as we watch love walk right out of our lives. I thought I'd found something...someone...who made me believe it was real...but I have to thank him for reminding me that my plan for love may not be love's plan for me. The fact of the matter is...love is really just the ability to keep believing until it happens. And when it does...the ability to forget the time you spent WAITING for it to happen. This post is so very Carrie Bradshaw of me...but hey...it's almost 1am in Los Angeles on a Friday night...and something just said "write it out"...so...I hope that somewhere, someone reads this...and feels the same way...or at least....understands.

"one of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter"
- James Earl Jones (love this one...)


Monday, May 10, 2010

Tick Tock




No...this isn't a post about that very annoying song sung by that one girl who won't matter next year with a $ sign in her name...smh...but it's a post about something I discussed with two of my closest girls. OK...this is how the conversation went. My friend rushes into the room where i was sitting with my other girl and she says "once again someone is on facebook with a profile picture of their left hand, sporting a ring...and their status reads "he put a ring on it"...WTF?!...all of my friends are smart, beautiful, ambitious and single...WHY?" And then we all began a conversation in which we discussed the notion that right now...we're all at our peak of desirability. We're young 2o somethings...everything is in perfect gravitational alignment...we're college educated and working towards our dreams. But is our time running out? Sounds utterly ridiculous on the surface level, right? Right...but when you look at some of the sides of the debate that we covered...it is completely possible. Ok...at 23...we're the perfect age to be scooped up by some seasoned player player...who's ready to (must interrupt and say...yes I did say "player player" smh) settle down and is maybe 28-early 30's. He's probably ruined all the women his own age and is looking for a young set of ovaries to recreate with. "Well what about guys your own age?" What about them? Many of them are in no way ready to settle down into something serious...which expains why many women get with men at least a few years older than them. NO...not ALL guys our age are immature and unwilling to settle down...but I do think it is safe to say MOST of them are not. So...that leads me to conclude that unless we're scooped up by the previously mention 28-early 30 year olds...as we get older we'll be less desirable to our own age group of men....?! Why? Because they'll be the 28-early 30 year olds going after the early 20 somethings...which leads me back to the title of this post. Are we running out of time? If you're a single woman at our age...are your chances of being married and family bound by the age of 30 dwindling away? No one knows...I just think it's a hell of a question.

What do y'all think?

Sincerely,
@bestnewactress

Lena...Legend 1917-2010




Yesterday, Hollywood lost one of it's most elegant, shining stars in Lena Horne. She was 92 years old. Many people my age may not know who Lena Horne is or what she means to us...especially Black women. I was blessed to have a father who once sat me down and explained to me how Lena Horne was the love of his life....ha. But really, as my father plopped me down in front of the television to watch "Stormy Weather", he explained to me why Lena Horne was so important to me as an African American woman and even more as a African American performer. He explained that her refusal to be cast as a maid and commitment to always portraying characters that praised and uplifted Black women....was an imperative stepping stone to my future. I learned everything I could about her...envied her long legs and voice like an angel...but most of all ADMIRED her resilience, strength and class in the face of racial tensions. She broke so many barriers it seems crazy to think that we are still experiencing the "first's" of many accolades for women of color in TV, film, on-stage and beyond. Lena Horne cannot be replaced but her legacy can and will live on through us...the new generation of women of color who too embody class and grace. Seeing a legend like Lena pass away...always reminds me of who should TRULY be a role model. A woman who stands for something. A woman who is not afraid to stand in integrity and virtuosity. A woman who knows that she stands a model for more than just herself...sadly, in most cases...she stands as a example of the whole race. A woman who is not afraid to say "no" when her ideals are tested. And most of all, a woman who leaves behind footsteps worth walking in.

R.I.P Lena and Thank You.

Sincerely,
@bestnewactress

DIVA!! Love it.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Happy Mother's Day!


Today is the day that we honor our mothers. The women who don't get half as much credit as they deserve. The women who have shaped us into the men and women we are. I know many wonderful mothers and wish you all the best on this day...but I would like to send a very special HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY message to my mother Judy Ann Milner:


My mother is the most beautiful, talented and selfless woman I know. She has sacrificed so much for me and my sister that I do not know where to begin thanking her. No matter what happens between us, my mother is always there for me. From praying for me to talking me through life's issues...I cannot ask for a better mother. I honor and appreciate her on this day and EVERYDAY. Love you MOM

This is still the best song for Mother's Day hands down :) enjoy

Sincerely,
@bestnewactress

Monday, May 3, 2010

Diary of a Black Girl

I've always loved this song. All I can say is that Wale must have read a few of my entries. Quite a few. It's been a while since I've blogged. But I think I'm officially back...no really. :)

All I Ever Want To Do Is Be Relevant

Overcome. Learn to trust and love again.

Sincerely,
@bestnewactress