When I Think of Home....

Well...yes thats a corny title, I know. But its the only way to start an ode to the place I love to hate. I remember when I was little I thought Detroit must be the biggest place because there were places I couldn't get to on my bike. But now....everytime I touch down into this city I feel like a little piece of me shrivels up. There is something uninviting about this place its not what it used to be instead of being the place I grew u loving and learning in it is now the place that I associate with all the things that could possibly hold me back from going after my dreams. There's the sense of stillness, this acceptance of mediocrity that I cannot stomach. Most people seem to be full of dreams that they never see come true because the truth of the matter is they're too afraid to go after them in the first place....now this is no way to say that I dont have fears and drawbacks and reservations sometimes but they will never ever keep me from taking the necessary steps to ensure that I never have to call Detroit my home again...unless I find it important one day of course....I wonder if everyone has those feelings about the city they grew up in.....I wonder....

#8. #24

"love me or hate me, it's one or the other always has been. hate my game, my swagger. hate my fadeaway, my hunger. Hate that I'm a veteran. A champion. Hate that. Hate it with all your heart. And hate that I'm loved for all the same reasons".

 The man who I stole this quote from is a man who has been misunderstood ever since he sat at a podium with a bald head and superstar shades at the sweet age of 18. he's been compared to the best of the best in his field and has overcome some of the toughest media storms of the past century. he was said to be arrogant. rude. selfish. immature. a rapist. but for some reason i have never bought it. never. i think this man is what he is. what i have seen him do for the last what 14 seasons in the NBA. win. be amazing. be a leader. be a follower. be a kid growing into a man in a career based solely on manhood and street cred in terms of making friends. i see him as someone who people love to hate. love to build up and tear down. he takes the heat whenever something goes wrong around him he takes it. smiles. and then torches the next team he meets to death to let go of all the negativity. he's a self-proclaimed assassin on the court. and whenever i watch him take the court. i think of myself. of my drive. passion. ambition. and all the foolish things i did in the years between where I am now and where i was straight out of high school. and i think i would have never come out as strong as he has. he's a great athelete. a phenomenal ball player. a leader who leads with an iron fist...but so did Jordan. he's a husband (good or bad...this is not an article on morality). he's a father. he's a champion (3 times over...god willing 4 if they pull out a win tonight). he's a role model. he's the next best thing since Michael Jordan. He's Kobe Bryant. And he's amazing!

Love at Starbucks...

You know those movies where the girl is sitting at Starbucks furiously typing on her laptop and all of a sudden a guy strolls in the makes her look away form her keys a little too long and eventually she's typed a completely incoherent sentence with more than a few misspelled words. And then all the thoughts run through your mind. Could this be my writeable love story moment? You watch him order and then sip his iced cafe latte and think "why did he order that?" You watch him, watch others and try hard to decipger to figure out which women keep his eye for longer than the small second that he gives to other passerbys. But you just can figure it out. And then THAT thought. "He's Gay!" You think and that thought does one of two things it either totally liberates you from even staring at this stranger any longer or it makes you that much more interested in figuring out why the damned man hasn't come over yet to talk to the girl who's been staring at him like a dig eyes a bone for the last 10 minutes. And thn you have a grand idea find a way to catch his eye again long enough to invite him to sit down because Starbucks is so very crowded at 3:16 in the afternoon and just as the idea pops into your head and you swallow enough saliva to seriously consider doing it, some sloppy, sweaty twat with a double chin and a book on Aristotle eyes the very seat the love of your Starbucks life was meant to be sitting in as you explain to him why you're in a city so far from home as you explain yo him that you're an aspiring actress who did a once in a lifetime internship with one of the leading companies in NYC. And then it happens a woman catches his eye...1,2,3,4,5...head turn,6,7...bitch got 7 seconds and a head turn!!!! But he didnt make a move on her...so...gay is still possible, since he doesnt seem old enough to be married and not confident enough to have  girlfriend just yet. And then 20 mins has gone by and you realize...here I am staring at this stranger all ready to measure my worth in seconds that he spends returning the dazed stares that I have given him while staring up from my keys....when the truth of the matter is only people in movies truly find love at starbucks...

Obama-crat!!!

Perhaps the most incredible thing about Barack Obama is not that he is an African-American man but that the impact that he has had on the world is as prominent as the Big Bang Theory. The future of our world, our government, our families, education, finances, our jobs and quite frankly our pursuit of happiness lies in this man. This man who is defying the laws of gravity in many ways than one. He stands for so much that should not be. For one, statistically he should not even be alive and if he was to be a living breathing person he was supposed to be spending his days making lampshades and keychains from a small concrete cell in prison somewhere. If not this dark existence he was to be the man who ran out on his beautiful, intelligent, well-educated (which is not be confused with well-educated because I assure you the two things are different) wife and wonderful daughters. He was to slip in to sleeping with whorish interns when he reached the level of senator a few years ago. He was to be eaten alive by the media and political competitors who would seek to diminish his good nature and honest desire to help a dying nation. He was to be utterly destroyed by the fact that he indeed has Faith in God even as a "liberal" candidate and that his spiritual advisor has ideas shared with so many people in our community but not reflective of his feelings as a man. The truth of the matter is that Barack Obama was not to even be a candidate...not in this lifetime...and he is! and not only is he a candidate but he is the preferred candidate. he has the opportunity to completely take the world by storm and do the unthinkable. I mean this is a country who once said Bill Clinton was the closest thing we would ever get to having a Black President...and here we are a few years and a demon of a president later, and we're not only flirting with the idea but we're in the bed doing the nasty with  that very thing. How crazy is that? And of course there could be a sense of pride in my country if we had simply appointed a half decent minority of any kind, of any level of expertise, but we have elected an African-American man who is just as if not more qualified to run our country than any man (or woman) of the Caucasian persuasion. And the truth of the matter is he stands for every man or woman who has ever felt like they didnt deserve to be where they were in their life...or that someone else thought they didnt deserve to be there or the odds were just stacked totally against them. Barack Obama is me, you, her, him, them. He is us! And I cannot wait to cast my vote for him in the first presidential election I have ever been able to vote in. 

Wow-ness-iosity

Today was perhaps one of the best days of my life. It started with an incredible opportunity that I dont know if I will ever get again. I was an invited guest of the American Theatre Wing at the Tony Awards Final dress rehearsal....and it was INCREDIBLE. Me and the other young people in my program got a first hand look at what would later be the live broadcast. My favorite, favorite, favorite show on Broadway right not was in the house...In the Heights!!!!!1....love it love it love it...Lin-Manuel Miranda is a genius for creating such an honest, heartfelt, moving musical that people like me can relate to. And the list goes on and on for those people in attendance: everyone from Mary Louise Parker and Glenn Close to Liza Minelli and Daniel Radcliffe and we were so lucky to be able to sit in the orchestra pit and be able to just stare up their nostrils.  It was just the opportunity of a lifetime to be in the same room with those people who have been in this business for years or even those people who have just been working their way up little by little like Lin-Manuel Miranda!!!!! Can I say his name?! Well I am...Lin-Manuel Miranda!!!! He is the man!!! The Man!!! The Man!!!! And then thinking about the fact that he won tonight during the real broadcast...and I knew he was going to win he deserved it...the whole concept of the show was groundbreaking and the music is a whole other story...too bad I cant afford to buy the expensive double disk from the theatre but iTunes anyone?! Oh and the reunion of the original cast of Rent...can you say Taye Diggs?!!! He is was amazingly beautiful and I didnt think he would be as beautiful in person but was he ever?!!!!! I just cannot take it all in right now....I was there, right there seeing it all happen as it unfolded and all I could think was I cannot wait to be here with them. Oh and the adorable boy from Atlanta who won the opportunity to be there from writing an essay about.....what? none other than "White Christmas"...LOL!!!! Little black boy from ATL writing an essay about White Christmas I bet the had a slightly different take on it then the other kids in his class.  Trying to get into Sex and the City because it seems like I have missed out on this wonder of the world...I do already see the obvious adoration of what Carrie wears because the girl is FIERCE...but I dont ever think I will get the premise of people's appreciation of Sarah Jessica Parker's beauty. Dont get it. Dont think I ever will. But I am interested in seeing the movie...hopefully with the girls this weekend...and can I say I am sooooooooooooooo ready for this weekend although going back to Detroit always makes me a little uneasy now that me and the ex are just that...and also because I never know where I fit in among the women there...you know what it is?! or do you? or do i? well whatever....excited to go home and sleep in the same house as my mother and sister and see my friends and just be in Detroit....not that New York is not fabulous because IT IS! More to say about the New York experience especially Springboard....in the weeks to come when I have time to get it all down....keep reading.....

Faith Changes Things...Right?

So I thought my life was almost over because I was like Hey I am being evicted from my apartment I am half way around the world in a place where there is no one who really wants to take me in and I am stuck here until God knows when...and I have Prince Charming who I want to get home to...but why would I want to do that?!!! He still has this other girl, this girl who I created an extra Facebook account for just so I can see her profile and not have him think that I am the facebook stalker that I am....huh..and then the unthinkable happens I get a Western Union that hopefully will make everything right again as for right now....and I heard the words of my mother as well as the words of The Winans and Anit Baker saying simultaneously "Worrying is a sin"/"Aint no need to worry what tonight is going to bring it will be all over in the morning". And indeed when this money order is in the mail and this monkey is off my back...the stress that is running my life right now will be subsided until I need to be getting out of here and back to Detroit to see my real life Carrie from Sex in the City (minus the overly sluttish behavior) who has planned a magnificent girls night out weekend that I jsut cannot miss because she would be devastated...and how do you suggest I make sure I get back home? Have no clue...the best I can do is try to find a way to make myself a pair of wings before next week gets here because God only knows when I'll have a ticket. And then the Kosher family I am living with are so very sweet, although I never see them seeing as how this is the Big Apple and I am busy as ever, but I know they are going to get mighty tired of sharing their space with a complete stranger who may not even be a friend of their daughter's...which i thought was an untrue statement until they constantly repeated: "any friend of Californian Sunshine, is a friend of ours"...ouch...and jsut for the record Californian Sunshine is not their daughter but is instead their daughter's best friend through whom I met said daughter..but i thought we were ALL friends...ha...oops...

New York. New York.

I am here. In the city I thought I had to live in for the rest of my life and I am impressed but it has made me see this is not the place I want to start out living in because my career for me needs to start on film instead of in the theatre. There is time to make the decision. A whole year more specifically. My Prince Charming is sweeping me off of my feet without doing much of anything to be completely honest. But he is MARVELOUS! I mean as women do we always fall for the charmers...i mean thats how they become charmers/players, right?! Because some woman goes for it...falls head over heels from a guy who knows exactly what to say even when their quite possibly dead wrong...huh...being here has given me a good glimpse of one side of the competition I face in my career. Cannot help but think of all the horrible things I have heard. I guess they're not really horrible just hard to hear. Because you want to hear all actors make it. That there are not actors out there who have not had a meaningful acting job in over 15 years. That just seems awful. I think thats why I want to do LA first now. Well I hope I will be able to go back home for rest. Cannot wait to see that beautiful little girl I call my sister. <3. My mom too. <3. It feels like I have been away for so long and I have yet to slow down and just get some much needed rest. Thats all I really want now. A chance to sleep. And think. And get everything together. And also a chance to see if Prince Charming will actually live u to his name. Stay tuned. I will blog throughout this whole summer. Nothing better than Summer Love. Or like. Because Love worries me still. ;)