Respect the Martians

OK. So. If you read my blog you know that I always give advice to my brothers and my sisters about how to make one another happy. Well this post I feel is long overdue...women are from another planet. Yes, we are. We speak a different language than men. And I can hear every man who reads my blog rejoicing in reading that sentence. It's true. We're living, breathing creatures of contradiction, overreacting and subliminal messages...we can be hard to understand. We say what we mean and mean what we say while simultaneously saying nothing that we mean and meaning absolutely nothing of what we said. We're complex. So it's about time that a woman puts together a nice little dictionary of common phrases, body language, etc... and what they mean...

The Woman Phrase/Body Language Dictionary: Top 15 (let's face it this could go on forever)

1.) "We need to talk": You've done something wrong...and I've probably been holding it in for a while but now I'm at a point where I just have to tell you how I feel...I'll probably cry or get really angry but try to stay calm...and don't look it as a judgement of you as a person.

2.) "Some guy tried to take me on a date": this is your cue to act kinda jealous...to show her that the thought of her with another guy rubs you the wrong way...it makes any woman feel protected, desired and warm and tingly.

3.) "I don't care...you can go": DON'T GO!! C'mon son. You already know by the tone of her voice that she's not trying to have you leave the house and go partying. So why go? Make her upset? And have to spend the next few days in the doghouse? Call your boys...maybe next time.

4.) "You're not communicating with me": I dont feel like I matter. Plain and simple. Especially with the amount of social networking sites...she must feel more important than your Twitter followers...or your facebook stalkers...etc...she wants you to talk to her...tell her a story...a joke...something...anything. Let her know that she holds a special place in your life.

5.) "Something's changed": You're not showing me the attention you used to. It just means that whatever you used to do...you're not doing it anymore and it's making her feel less important to you.

6.) "I don't mind if you have female friends": a lie. A blatant lie. She's simply leaving it open so you don't feel pressured or smothered...but the truth of the matter is that she doesn't see why you need other women around to hang out now that you have her. It's gonna make her uncomfortable especially if this woman knows more about you than she does.

7.) "It's up to you...I dont care": this is usually an answer to a question like "where do you want to go" or "what kind of gift would you like".."what movie do you want to see"..."where do you want to eat"...this is your chance to either sink or swim. How well do you know her? Will you pick the perfect place? The perfect gift? Will you even put thought into it? In the back of her mind she knows exactly what kind of place she'd like to go to, what kind of gifts she likes and what movie she wants to see....but by this point you should know enough about her to make her happy.

8.) "Do you think ___ is attractive": My brotha, my brotha...be careful with this answer. Most women are confident enough in themselves where the thought of the man they care about thinking some other woman is attractive is just fine. We're all humans. But there are some women who just aren't. If this is someone who you both know it's better to just say "no"...if it's some dream woman i.e. Halle Berry or Eva Longoria...consider this...does your woman look like your dream woman? Are they even similar types of women? If not, imagine how she may feel about the kind of woman you feel is attractive...women are fragile when it comes to those things. (ladies, dont be mad at me for that one....#letsbehonest...we've all thunk it "my man likes Beyonce/J.Lo/Keri Hilson/Rihanna...I dont look like her...dang")

9.) "I understand": Boy please. That's what she's saying...in the back of her mind she's thinking "you make time for what you feel is important"...she doesn't understand anything but the fact that you haven't been giving her the attention that she needs.

10.) Storms in/out of a room: You've done or said something that's gonna cause you lots of problems...if you don't fix it quick.

11.) "Nothing"- usually accompanies the question "What's wrong?"...there's something wrong...it's more than likely something you've done wrong...could very well be nothing you did...but either way something IS going on...and if you just walk away and take the "nothing" as an actual answer...you're gonna be in trouble buddy.

12.) A long sigh: she wants you to ask her what's wrong...and she'll probably first reply "nothing" and for the way to deal with that see #11

13.) an ignored phone call: she did it on purpose...what did you do? Figure it out...and act accordingly.

14.) hints at upcoming gift giving holidays: get her something. make it good. end of discussion.

15.) Starts an argument: she testing the waters to see how hard you're willing to fight to keep her. Another sink or swim moment.

Well like I said these were the Top 15...it's just my thoughts. I figure with all the unhappy women I know...someone has to step in and try to make it easier for you fellas...but fellas y'all have got to try harder...take off your cool...turn off your swag...let her know she's important if she is...and if she's not...why waste her time...why waste your time?...love y'all :)

Sincerely,

@bestnewactress

A Note to My Dreamers

So it's actually been 10 days since my last post...{before the one right below this one :)}. I've had a lot of things going on. Ripping and running. Stretching myself pretty thin...I was even told I "looked tired" by a certain ::coughs:: special someone. But I digress. What I'm trying to say...is that I'm pretty exhausted. I have the pleasure of knowing many hard working young people who are going after what they want in their lives. Aspiring photographers, actors, screenwriters, athletes, fashion designers...you name it. In talking to any of them at any given time...the consensus seems to be..."I've gotta just keep going...and it's hard sometimes". I totally agree with that sentiment. There is something so invigorating and yet frustrating about feeling like you're one step away from where you want to be in your life. Like needing to just move around 2 puzzle pieces to see the picture clearly or trying to figure out what button to push on Minesweeper...it's so stimulating to be almost there (yeah I said Minesweeper...dont act like you don't know what I'm talking about hehe). You look around and start to see the foundation you've laid begin to turn into a structure...and yet if you're like me...and have something resembling a skyscraper in your mind as a finished product...you may overlook the 10 floors you've already build and tend to focus more on the 15 you have left. It's called passion, drive and ambition...it's that little voice in the back of your head that says "all you need is that one thing to put you where you want to be" and makes you take that second acting class or keeps you in the gym for those extra hours when everyone's at home. It's what helps to separate those who want it because it's what they absolutely love more than anything in the world and those who want it because they hope that one day TMZ will follow them around Beverly Hills with cameras. In LA...I come in contact with so many people who have no passion...no real true love for what they say they're here to do...and it's heartbreaking...because for those of us who love what we do unconditionally...the fact that we have to compete with these people on any level is just ridiculous. I wrote this blog to say that I understand the desire of all dreamers and hard workers to just get where you've imagined being your whole life and I know sometimes...it gets to be a lot...and it can sometimes feel like while you're doing things the best way you know how it seems that you're moving at a small snail's pace...but remember while you're in it you sometimes can't see just how much progress you're making. So keep going...keep fighting and working for all the things you want...dig deeper when it gets tough. And know that there's someone doing the same thing :).

Sincerely,

@bestnewactress :)

America is NOT heartless

I was really touched by the Hope for Haiti telethon that George Clooney and some of the biggest stars in Hollywood put on about a week ago. It's one thing to talk about sending money but there is something so much more touching about giving your time. Every single person on the telethon can be considered a part of the A List and dropping everything to be in the same place at the same time...to come together for a greater purpose...is admirable. Of course...some people will take a very pessimistic approach to appreciating what they did by saying things like "they're all rich...it takes nothing to fly in" or "they did it because George Clooney asked them"...and to that I say what have YOU done to help? Here are a few of the performances if you missed them as well as footage from worldwide coverage of the suffering in Haiti as they await some kind of recovery from the devastating quake that shook their worlds. Please continue to donate and pray for those who need it most. To date we, as Americans, have donated over 10 million dollars to Haiti and they still are not even close to providing everyone with the necessary items to get their lives back on track. Let's not give up.

MTV Shows

John Edwards talks about the devastation

Anderson Cooper has been doing an incredible job of reporting

This was beautiful to me

Jennifer Hudson brought it home

I loved this...Wyclef has been standing up for his people for a while now

You can still give at hopeforhaiti's website just by clicking here :).

Sincerely,

@bestnewactress

Our King

Love this photo on the Google homepage today :)

In honor of Martin Luther King Jr....

I honor him for how far we've all come as well as how far we still have to go....because of him the journey ahead of us to reach true equality does not seem so daunting...

I honor him for always standing as a model of what we can all do when we stand for something...through adversity...with no apologies for what we believe.

I honor him for his eloquence as a speaker...and his class as a Black man.

I honor him for first showing the Black man to be powerful, educated and responsible.

I honor him for being so great that every year the world MUST stop to honor, remember and salute him.

I honor him for allowing me to dream...

Happy MLK Day to all of my readers and supporters. On this day ask yourself..."when I am gone will I have done anything worth honoring?". If so, keep at it. If not, today is a perfect day to start taking steps to ensure that, one day, you too will be a man/woman worth honoring. Peace and Love.

We must always show honor to those who made it possible for our successes...Obama honors Dr. King :)

That last speech...still gives me chills

How quickly we forget that just 40+ years ago we weren't allowed basic human rights

Sincerely,

@bestnewactress

Bigger than Haiti

As the news reports keep updating the very devastating, extremely sad situation in Port-au-Prince, Haiti and neighboring areas I have seen (as well as have been a part of) many aggressive efforts to bring awareness, aid and relief in any way possible to those suffering so intensely. However I can't help feeling like "...and then what?"...we forget about it in 6 months? we pretend like these people haven't been suffering for many, many years? The truth of the matter is that we, in America, are selfish. We care about material things...cars, houses, weaves, fancy clothes, oversized handbags, etc...and we so often forget to lend a helping hand. To reach out to someone less fortunate. It always takes a natural disaster for people to reach out and mostly just to make themselves feel better but what about the fact that celebrities like Wyclef Jean have been pleading desperately for people to reach out to Haiti, where 80% of the population was living below the poverty line even BEFORE the earthquakes shook the city into chaos. Where were the facebook statuses, tweets, constant news coverages, blog posts and aid websites then? Were they not in dire need of help then too? This is in no way me standing on a soapbox and preaching to self centered Americans because I too am guilty. For example, I work in the very trendy and expensive Beverly Hills...all day I make sure that I give customers the best possible experience in my store but it was not until today that I even thought to SPEAK TO the very sweet homeless woman who is always on the corner...how many times have I walked right past her? It's not always about monetary gifts...a lot of times it's just about human kindness...I may not have changed her financial situation...but she smiled and we talked...I treated her like a human being. In the wake of a natural disaster where we see suffering and lost and devastation on the front page of every newspaper...it's easy to forget that there are people suffering all over this world...EVERY SINGLE DAY. In all areas of the globe. We don't seek out ways to help. We're too caught up in our everyday worries..."why can't I afford the swanky apartment I want?", "why can't I have my dream car right now?", "why am I not making six figures?"...replace those thoughts with "will I eat this week?", "where will I sleep tonight?", "will I live to see next week?"...your problems seem a little less significant, right? And what of the disasters that have come and gone...when was the last time someone gave time, money or aid to those still suffering from the huge blow that Hurricane Katrina left on New Orleans? What about those trying to recover still from the devastating Tsunamis that ripped through parts of Asia? Nothing. No word. And I know we cannot live in the past and must always be moving forward but I just use those examples to point out issues that are sensationalized, aided and then forgotten like an awards show or a good game in the Final Four tournament. There are countless numbers of them Save the Rainforest, Save Darfur...Go Green. They become trends. I have no idea how to change our way of thinking...but I can use my outlet to bring attention to our ease with forgetting how many people suffer to just make it from day to day here in our country and all over the world. I urge all of my readers and supporters to pray and help with the situation in Haiti in any and all ways possible...and after the smoke clears...and some celebrity does something crazy and becomes the top story...I urge you to continue to support...find below a link to CNN's page detailing how to get involved with helping. Be blessed and always remember to count your blessings...all of them...even on the bad days. <3

How to do your part- click here

Sincerely,

@bestnewactress

This song has been on my mind every day since the story of the earthquakes broke...as I began to think of my own selfish desires..."if you wanna make the world a better place take a look at yourself and make a change"...that's real.

Don't Be A Twidiot

2009 was definitely the year of Twitter. I'm just gonna assume that unless you live on Mars (and if you do...i'm not hating) you know what Twitter is. And if you're like me and have had Twitter for some time now...you've probably seen some major fouls committed. Last year...I made a nice list of things that shouldn't be done on Facebook (read it by clicking here) and now I think it's about time that I compiled a list of things that shouldn't be done on Twitter.

Here we go (in no particular order):

10 Things to NOT do on Twitter

1.) Do NOT...I repeat...DO NOT ask someone to follow you...even if you are following them. They'll get around to it...or find it upon themselves to have a gander at your timeline...don't be a twegger (person who begs for followers on Twitter) it's only gonna piss you off when you keep asking and they keep ignoring you simply because you seem lame and needy :(...and then after that you just seem scary and stalker-ish and that will get you #blocked

2.) Do not try to spark a full conversation on Twitter...boo I only have 140 characters...you asking me what I do, if i'm single, what my favorite color is, why i like Kobe better than Lebron...how am I supposed to condense my answer? And I dont want to fill my followers timelines with @replies to you...especially since you're probably just gonna end up breaking Rule #1...so that you can DM me in order to "get more personal"! In the language of Twitter I say, one time, #FAIL.

3.) Twitter Drama. Come on y'all. Stop taking shots at one another on Twitter. I don't want to wake up or go to sleep to your personal drama. I came on Twitter to get away from all that nonsense and here you go posting tweets...not addressed to anyone...but you know he/she is following you and you start going in...filling up my timeline with useless paragraph long tweets. And some of y'all will have just left a place where the person was...if you can't say it to their face...dont tweet it...don't be a Twitter thug...that's EVEN lamer than a Facebook thug....and being lame in general will get you #unfollowed

4.) Getting too personal. Ok...now this is different from twugging (Twitter thugging) this is filling up my timeline with a whole lot of your relationship or lack thereof business. It's cool to say you're in love...or have a good man...all those things are nice. I support love. But some of y'all go IN when you're falling out of love or have been done wrong. Y'all need journals. As I said before you only get 140 characters...do you really think I want to read 5 consecutive tweets about how your man/woman did you wrong? "why don't you just unfollow me?" Well because most of the time you're pretty darn entertaining...and I know sometimes you need a nice week to pull yourself together after heartbreak but...get it together...because all that twitching and twoaning will get you #unfollowed

5.) Trending Topics. I love trending topics. Think they're great! And when a witty person gets hold to them...they're the best. *sighs* but there are a few of you who use trending topics as an opportunity to twug, sneak diss and vent about a whole lot of nonsense. C'mon son! Everyone's having a good time going in about something carefree and light and here you come bringing your father's child and his girlfriend on the side and your unpaid child support in the timeline...killing the mood...that's how you get #unfollowed

6.) Tweeting about sex...or twexing...lol...ok. ummm. Everyone is free to have their opinion. And everyone I follow is good and grown but we have to draw the line somewhere. Especially my ladies...we don't want to know how you do it, what you do, when you do it, where you do it, how he likes it, what he does that you like...that's hella inappropriate. And who are you saying it for? I mean if you have a man...why would you want other men to know how you get down...or other women to know how good your man gets down? And if you don't have a man...ummm don't try to find one on Twitter. Too much twexing will get you #unfollowed

7.)RTing everything said about you or to you...that's so dead. An @reply will do just fine when someone compliments you on your hair, clothes, tweets, talents etc...you retweeting every single thing for us all to see is just pointless...there are times when it makes sense and times when it's just annoying...have you just refilled my timeline with a bunch of retweets of your tweets and the responses? OK..well that's too much. Excessive retweeting will get you #unfollowed

8.) It's recently become a funny TT #basictweet. And when accompanied with #basictweet, we can all recognize that the person knows that they've just said something they could've kept to themselves. Some examples of things you can keep to yourself: just woke up, just ate breakfast, my son just peed, my dog just barked...this is a case where the 140 characters can be used to your advantage..spice it up... "my dog just barked...his bark sounds just like Rihanna's singing voice" for example...we didn't come to Twitter to be bored and unamused...if we want that we can sign into Facebook.

9.) Tweeting people to let them know you're unpleased with their tweets. Where dey do dat at? All you have to do is click the friendly, easy to find unfollow button...it's quick, simple and to the point. Why waste the 140 characters and timeline space to tell someone "you tweet too much" or "i dont like you" hahahaha what's the point. Rid yourself of twegativity...or just include a link to this here blog post and hope they cure themselves :)

10.) Last but not least...following, unfollowing and following and unfollowing again. Really? Your timeline was cold and lonely without this person's tweets? Are you trying to prove a point? Are you bored? Whatever the situation is...unfollow and be done...and don't go dropping in to this person's timeline everyday and @replying them...that's just stupid. And being stupid (in a not so good, very bad way) will get you #unfollowed.

Now y'all know it's just my thoughts. :)

Sincerely,

@bestnewactress

Prepare Abundantly Before

First off Happy New Year to all of my followers :) May this be the year that all your dreams come true...and thank you all for still supporting in 2010!

Now that the season's pleasantries are over...let's get into my first post of 2010!

I was inspired to write this post after a few conversations with close friends in which we discussed our goals for this year and beyond...in each of these conversations the wonderful women that I am lucky enough to be friends with all showed a desire to set up their lives in such a way that their 30's, 40's and beyonds would be ones of great enjoyment. But as I listened ( and in some cases read) I began to think of the question that plagues so many of us who are in our 20's...when will I have time to just live? What about relationships? Fun? Partying? Well...this is the conclusion I've come to...

I see so many people partying, drinking, wasting their youth away and I just think: "when do you plan on working towards your future"? Speaking solely for myself...I've never planned to work my whole life...I want to vacation for long periods of time and work when I want to...(never acting again will never be an option...I love it too much)...I want to have a family that I can actually spend time with...I want to send my little sister to college and buy my mother a house on an island...I want a villa in Italy...and buying bottles of Ciroc every weekend isn't gonna get me there. "Wait a minute, are you saying we shouldn't have any fun?" Absolutely not. You should live life to its fullest potential...enjoy yourself...HOWEVER...life is a great balancing act. How many times have we all heard that? In my eyes...it's all about what you earn...you work hard...you play hard....you work harder...you play harder...and I want my work to be so outstanding that nothing short of a celebration will do. I want to actually have things in my life happening that will deserve a bottle of the finest wine...a weekend full of partying...a vacay to the warmest most beauttiful beaches this world has to offer. But at this point in my life...I have more work to do. For me...it's all about the big picture. Where do I see myself BEING...not where I am. So as we embark into this new decade...I encourage my readers...of all ages...to consider doing more...demanding more of yourself...ensuring that 2010 is not just another year you'll look back on and see a bunch of resolutions, goals, dreams and desires unfulfilled and forgotten. Cut out the things that don't really matter. Focus on the things that will make New Year's Eve- December 31, 2010 a celebration of accomplishments instead of a goodbye to a year gone to waste. You're never too young to take control of your future (that sounds like a commercial for the Army or something...well...)...and urge the people around you to do the same. Skip out on the club for an entire weekend...see how much you get accomplished. Skip the hungover Sunday and hit an art gallery. Take a week away from reading gossip sites and pick up a bestseller or a self-help. Learn a new hobby. Make 2010 matter. I know I will.

Sincerely,

@bestnewactress